Fall!!

I love the Fall. It's my favorite time of year. Fall, Winter, Spring and Summer - in that order (I don't even like summer but I have to rank it somewhere).

I'm doing a Fall Foodie Swap - one of the blogs I follow A Dozen Eggs (http://adozeneggs.com/wordpress/) has organized it. I love this kind of stuff - even though this is the first one I'm doing. Yes, I have sent boxes of things to friends that I have enjoyed picking up - but this is an official swap - where I will indeed get something back and I did today (see picture above)!!!!! Thank you Patti - I love everything. Andrew wants the pasta tonight! (I'm making brown sugar chicken, herb crusted pork loin, roasted garlic potatoes, carrots and green beans - I've already made a dutch apple cheesecake, brownies, giant decorated sugar cookie and pecan pies (that didn't set properly - I never had that happen - darn it - so we picked up a chocolate mousse cake just for insurance)...but I still have to make the pasta).

A friend sent me this message on facebook: "hey...my mom said the other day she saw Andrew & he was going "im not gonna do it, im not gonna do it, im not gonna do it" so shes like "Andrew, what are you not going to do?" and hes still going "im not gonna do it, im not gonna do it" so shes like "Andrew whats wrong? what arent you going to do?" and he goes "im not gonna cry, im not gonna cry" hahahaha I found that to be so funny!!!!! Very cute!"

It made me sad - poor kid has so much anxiety.

We got good news yesterday - Andrew doesn't have the same mutation as his father! Hooray - he has an MYH variant - like his Aunt Nora - and will probably need monitoring in the future - but for right now - he's good - thank God!

Happy Fall!

The Pity Party is Raging

Andrew has had a horrible regression - due to many things - his being sick this summer (twice), the school location changed, teachers changed and schedules change (due to being in another day care facility - ICCD said they had to abide by their schedule - two to two and a half hour naps in the afternoon - meaning - Andrew laid on a mat staring at a wall for two hours when he is suppose to have structure) - and I'm furious with ICCD for doing all of this - the purpose of summer session is to avoid regression - keep everything on schedule. His play therapy stopped due to vacation - his social skills group stopped due to vacation - so basically no services in August.

No one wants to play with him - it breaks my heart - he doesn't hit kids anymore (just me)- but he does get in kids faces and act aggressive. Kids want to do other things - like the pool and Andrew is scared of the pool - but even if I try to plan things - BBQs, festivals - everyone says yes- and then it is no. No one calls us anymore - unless they have a problem or want help with something - it sounds like I'm whining but it is true. We have no one - no family, no friends, nothing. I scheduled a big playdate for September and I canceled it - only one person responded as of yet -- but all his service providers say that Andrew should have short, calm playdates and get him back under control and that I should never think about doing any thing like that. It's hard to have people over here - even adults - I'm basically a hermit. Jim attends parties and sports event and he goes out to work - and yes it is stressful - but it still is a respite. I love my son more than anything on this earth - but sometimes I want to hide too.

Jim came home early from work last night (6:15 usually home @ 9:30) - I thought to support me because I spent most of the day crying and just felt bad. He came home in a pissy mood because he went to a ball game with friends the night before and was tired. He played with Andrew ten minutes - put his "I'm sick of this" face on when Andrew started being "Andrew" and I ended getting Andrew ready for bed and read him books. Then Jim ate and watched football (pre-season game).

I was crying and just fell asleep @ 8:30 and the phone rings - it's a friend canceling our playdate for Wednesday afternoon - that just set me off again. She canceled because her daughter doesn't want to play with Andrew any more. We had had lunch after Bible Camp yesterday - and her daughter elbowed Andrew once and pinched him - and Andrew honestly didn't hit her or retaliate but I think the girl knows it is a matter of time or wants to go to the pool - either way I'm going to have to deal with a sad kid.

I have something tentatively set up with another mom who son has PDD - for Thursday. Hopefully, that will work out.

I am really at the end of a very weak rope.

Pity Party....Party of One...

I'm having my own little pity party. I'm sad, I'm lonely, I'm thinking this is the beginning of a bad profile for match.com.

It's 8:30 - I'm going to bed because I have the flippin' flu again - dear God - here a strain, there a strain, everywhere a strain...strain.

Day one down of holy roller bible camp. We're Catholic. I'm not a "devout" Catholic. I believe in God, I believe in doing the right thing, etc. I don't believe everything that's fed to me...I wasn't just tossed off the turnip truck....but Andrew's friend Melissa is going to this camp - hand raising, praise God shouting...church - and it's $50 for five days, three hours a day....they can turn him into a tele-Evangelist for that money. I now am flashing on Cartman's tele-Evangelistic period ...

Cartman: For he is Lord, Lord Lord Lord. Right here we have a little girl who is very, very ugly! Do you believe he is gonna cure your face of the uglies?!

Ugly Girl: Yes!!

Cartman: He is gonna take that ugly face and make you reasonable to look at! [smacks her on the face] Bah!

Ugly Girl: Waah.

Cartman: [moonwalks] Bwolololololololololololo! Oh, good Lord, somebody say "Amen!"

We still laugh at that (me and all the voices in my head).

"I'm a failure"

My sweet precious five year old told me that today as he got into the car crying because he couldn't stand the noise at the park we stopped at after school. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

Yes, his autism could be so much worse. Yes, he could have something terminal. Yes, we are lucky and blessed to have the resources we have to get him the help he needs. But for fuck's sake, it breaks my heart for him to say these things. "Nobody likes me." "Everyone hates me." "I don't have any friends." I can tolerate those - but "I'm a failure."

I can't type anymore. I can't see the screen.

Another renewal in humanity

My dear friend, Susan,- whom I haven't spoken to or e-mailed in ages - sent me an Edible Arrangement (fruit - Andrew's favorite!!) and, of course, when I told Jim - he said, "Edible Panties". She has two beautiful daughters and an Irish husband (poor girl) and I think we are actually going to get together the end of August and devise our plan to make millions - insert evil laugh here...wahhhhahwhhwwwwhhhhha.

Susan and I met at Michaels and took the Wilton cake decorating classes together. I was totally bitchy to her - because I got there early put my sweatshirt on the back of a chair and my bag with supplies on the table and went to the bathroom. I came back and there was this pretty Korean girl sitting in my fucking chair. I was really crabby - I had just had a miscarriage the week before, I was hemorrhaging like (TMI I know) nobody's business and it was the first time I was leaving my baby (2 years old) to do something for myself and someone took my chair! She apologized after I said something rudely (under my breath - like all good Irish girls do) and we ended up being partners the whole three months - so funny....I guess. Right Susan, funny?

Thank you, Susan. I love you and miss you too.

Friends....

I see pictures posted on Facebook - all these people doing family events and events with friends...and we really don't do any of that .... I don't know if it is because of Andrew's diagnosis, Jim working 16 hour days, my being basically a single mom, no babysitter - ever or people just don't invite us anymore because we usually can't come - at least not together. It makes me sad.
I have to admit - I'm too fucking tired to think about going out during the week - or even on the weekend - on Saturdays I'm up at the crack of dawn with Andrew - I take him to reading class at Hofstra - then try to keep him busy outside the house until 1 or so - so Jim has some free time - then it is time to come home and think about what I'm doing for dinner - cleaning up the mess that was made while I was gone...Sunday - up at the crack of dawn again, church is an all morning ordeal - Jim sleeps late, gets up eats, takes his hour long shower - we run out the door (I've already picked up Flo because we would never be on time if I didn't do that because Jim is Dagwood Bumstead)...we go to church - Jim does his usher stuff - we take Flo home or go out to lunch - and by that time its 2 p.m. again - there is never just a break....okay enough of my whining. Off to finish up dinner. Huge roasted pork chops, spaetzle, gravy and sauerkraut (yuck). I'm making blueberry pancakes with Andrew for his dinner - he wants them!

It's disgusting out there....

You walk out the door and pure wetness and not from rain.

I got the car inspected, returned the Right Size smoothies - 141.00 for three cans of shake mix - I can get it for $10 a can at Trader Joe's so I returned it. I want to bake and do a few things - but today is going to be don't do any thing day in the kitchen. Yesterday I made etouffee and that took a couple hours - I'm going to go relax and watch some t.v. I have to pick up Andrew at 2:45 then he has a social skills group at 4 - we'll get home about 6 after moving cars, etc.

Tonight or tomorrow - I'll bake brownies for one of his teacher's birthday this weekend. Next week I'll make brownies for the Hofstra folks and for my sister-in-law.

Nothing new or exciting to report...but this -- I did spray a police officer with Diet Pepsi at Dunkin Donuts this a.m. -- I opened the refrigerated case to grab a Diet Pepsi and one flew out - the cap broke and Diet Pepsi everywhere. My little Yankee Doodle wanted a donut on the way to school - so I obliged.

I know a few friends read this - so pass this info on - if you want any cool cookies/favors -check out a friend's website - http://www.adozeneggs.com/ - they are yummy and beautiful!