Monday, February 10, 2014


As most of the blogging world knows Elle of Elle's Kitchen passed away a few weeks ago and many bloggers picked recipes from her blog to recreate in her memory.

I had intended to do so as well.  Life got in the way.

I ended up doing what Elle always did - put family first -- doesn't mean I love her or miss her any less than anyone else - I had to do what I needed to do. I still cooked for my family last week - but I didn't have it in my heart to do a specific recipe and write a post.  

Andrew had a few great weeks.   I try to keep quiet when he does well because inevitably something comes to knock me off my happy, high horse.  It's like telling people you are pregnant as soon as the stick turns positive.  

Last week - Andrew was in school for about a day and a half.  Delayed starts due to wind chills of -25,  he felt sick on Tuesday at lunch and came home at noon.  He looked pale and I kept him home the next day.  Thursday comes and another late start but he feels fine and goes in.  I get a call at 1:00.  "Mrs. ______ I really really hate to call you and tell you this...."   He went after some kids and made contact.  Again, I asked  after making sure the kids were okay and stating that I know the responsibility for this is 100 percent on Andrew "where was the adult, aid, teacher?"  They know he has issues and until this magical IEP gets put into place -- an adult needs to be on him during transition periods.  "Oh, that's a good idea."

He was suspended on Friday.  He got exactly what he wanted - he wanted to avoid school and they gave him what he wanted.  Whatever happened to detention?  

Seems in Colorado - there are so MANY days off, so many weeks off - far more than in New York.  Seems to me that Andrew can't even get into a rhythm.  This coming week -- he is off Friday and Monday for President's weekend.  He needs routine.  He isn't getting it here.  Then the icing on the cake is when he does something -- he gets sent home.  He wants to come home - of course, he is going to do what he needs to do to get sent home.  

Now he is back in school and every day I have to pick him up from 11:55 to 12:40 because the school won't take the responsibility of making sure Andrew is near an adult during recess/lunch transitions.   All the outbursts, going after kids...all the problems occur during that time I need to give my child what he needs because the school system can't.

I feel defeated and empty.  I feel like we take two steps forward and then get bitch slapped all the way back to behind the start line.

Please understand none of the inconvenience bothers me.  It is the fear that one day he is going to hurt someone.  That paralyzes me.

Elle would be the one to private message me after reading this to tell me - she wished we were closer, hang in there, sending me love.  She always knew when I needed a bandaid. Elle, I miss you.  I know you understand.  

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